“Never Enough”
It is the middle of summer and for most people this would include hanging around the house, going on wild adventures, or meeting up with friends. For nine-year-old me, this was not the case. I was too young to drive, and I also lived too far out of town to easily meet up with kids my age. Also, mom thought that the house needed cleaned. Every. Single. Day. One day it would be the bathrooms, the next it would be the floors, and then the garage needed organizing and the living room dusted, and OH, is that dirt on the floor? Whelp looks like I’m cleaning those again tomorrow.
Occasionally, Mom would grant us the privilege of going to the swimming pool. I’m no fish in water, but I LOVE swimming. Our city swimming pool wasn’t much. Basically, a rectangle under the diving boards…. boards as in plural. Two. As in a low-dive and…. a high dive. My friends LOVED the high dive, but me? Ummmm no thanks. I am not about to climb to my inevitable death by high-dive. One day, I was convinced to try it just once. Shaking, I climbed up the ladder, edged closer to the end of board and…. I quickly retreated back because holy COW that is a long drop. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I climbed back down and safely returned to pool. From the depths of the 5-foot area, I watched as my friends joyfully went off the diving boards time and time again.
How often do we let the fear in our mind hold us back from truly enjoying a certain moment in time? That the benefit of whatever experience we could potentially have is outweighed by the emotions we are feeling in that moment? How often do we let this fear prevent us from being truly happy with who we are? What keeps us from also inspiring that same happiness in other people? For some, it may be the fact that they haven’t really thought about it. For me, it’s the fact that I have always been way to worried about what other people think about me.
The first day of my Freshman year, I woke up a full two hours before I had to be at school because I was so anxious, but I kept telling myself it was just excitement. As I pulled up to school, all of that fake excitement left me as I stood just inside those doors, terrified. I slowly walked to my locker and, on my way I–oh…oh no, is that a senior?! Avoid, avoid, AVOID! Oh gosh, is that the teacher who throws erasers at kids who don’t pay attention?! Ohhhh man, ok Scuyler, just get to class and you will be safe. Throughout the rest of the day, feelings of anxiety only got worse as everything I did or said felt like it was being judged or disregarded. Then came football practice. Even though I did as I was told, I still got pummeled every practice because the tall, skinny kid didn’t really fit in with the other linemen I was practicing with because yeah, I was the guy who snapped the ball. Hit after hit, play after play, I kept getting knocked down. Later that evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I knew that this was the first night of many where I would feel so alone. The first night where I would feel like no matter what I did or said, I was never going to be good enough. Every day, I would walk through the halls and think, “Why can’t I be as cool as him?”, or “Why can’t I be as smart as her?” and even “Why am I not as strong as they are?” This continued day after day, week after week of feeling less than nothing until one night, tears threatening to fall down my face, I realized I was tired of feeling that way. Tired of feeling like nothing I did was enough for everyone else, so I made a promise to myself. I knew that no one was ever going to make me feel validated. There won’t always be someone to tell me I am doing a good job. I had to be that person for myself. I promised that no matter how many times I felt insecure, useless, or knocked down, I would be the one to tell myself it was going to be ok. I would be the one to tell myself that I was enough.
You and me? We are not like everyone else. There is no one like us in the entire world! Each of us is unique and has something different to offer. We all have different talents. We all have different hobbies, different interests. We all find joy in different ways, so why should we try to force ourselves to be someone that just isn’t us? We may feel trapped right now, but each and every one of us has the ability to get somewhere we would rather be.
Let’s take a moment and reflect on who we are, but think about the positive things we like about ourselves. What is our favorite part of being us? Maybe we like the way we dress, or maybe we love our sense of humor. What is one thing about ourselves that we love the most? We could love how good we are at livestock judging, or maybe we love how well we understand parliamentary procedure. Whatever you thought of are the things you are good at, the abilities you possess that make you proud of who you are. Isn’t feeling proud and happy of who you are way better than focusing on how you think you aren’t enough? No one is perfect, so no one is expecting us to be perfect either. Find joy in what you do well instead of locking in on the things you think you are doing wrong. When you look at yourself in the mirror think “Today is my day. Today, I will show the world what I have to offer, and it will be amazing. Today, I will break the mold, and dare to be who I am!” That fear of not being good enough is what holds us back. It’s what prevents us from embracing who we are, but when we can let go of that fear and celebrate who we truly are then we can find that joy in accepting ourselves.
It’s not only finding happiness in who we are, it’s also inspiring self-appreciation in others. My high school Spanish teacher, Mrs. Edgar, would start every class period by going around to each student and say, “Hola, como estas?” This phrase is a simple greeting in Spanish, but in this classroom, it held so much more weight than just hello. We would hear the typical replies of muy bien, meaning very good, or estoy consado, meaning I am tired. But one day, we heard someone reply with muy malo, meaning very bad. Mrs. Edgar stopped class, switched back to English, and proceeded to make sure that student was feeling OK, both mentally and physically. She would make sure that their home life was ok, that they were doing well in school, or if there was anything she could do to make their day better. You could hear the sincerity in her voice and feel how much she cared about you and you would leave her class feeling less alone and more comfortable with being who you are. She would know how cheer you up if you were having a bad day. She would know how to make you see all the good you bring into the world if you were feeling insecure about yourself. Even if you were having the best day, she knew how to make it that much better just by celebrating right alongside you.
When we help celebrate others, we are setting into motion a series of changes that all may result in a group of people finding their own value. Celebrate others for who they are, encourage their differences, welcome their mistakes because that is how we can change the world, that is how we can make a difference.
Think about a moment you have felt invalidated. A moment when someone else stole your right to feel happiness, sadness, or anger. How did it feel? Did it feel unfair? Did it feel wrong? If it felt uncomfortable, then why do we continue to do it to others? Why don’t we build others up instead? Find an opportunity to help someone express who they are or how they are feeling in their own way. This could be actively listening to them talk about video games even if you don’t play them or maybe it’s getting to know a club you’re not a part of because it’s important to someone else. Help others see that who they are is wonderful and amazing and celebrate their successes. Encourage happiness and help people understand that who they are is more than enough.
You are more than your faults; you are more than your insecurities because you are more than enough!
Scuyler Zenger, 2018–19 Kansas FFA State Secretary
Each of us is remarkable because we all have something great to offer. Take time to celebrate your unique talents, skills, and hobbies. Make the effort to support and encourage others. Help them realize that they possess something special that the world needs because there is no one else like them.
You all are so much more than what society says you are. Regardless of what others tell you, or even what you tell yourself, you have so much to offer. You each have your individual talents that should be celebrated. You have a light within that should be shared even in your darkest moments. You have the opportunity to share that light with so many people you come across. You are more than your faults; you are more than your insecurities because you are more than enough!