“Let Go”

The doors on the bus would burst open, little feet would pound down the steps onto the ground, race the quarter mile down the road to where the tractor was, and with all the strength a kid could muster, 5-year old me would hoist myself up onto the tractor with ask grandpa the same question kids on farms everywhere are asking– “Can I ride along?” Those hours spent on the tractor talking about cows are crops, are all valuable childhood memories. The access to tractor rides was just one of the many benefits of having the bus drop me off at my grandparent’s every day. Looking back, I can see just how much my exposure to the farm as a kid shaped my love for agriculture. Later in life, the farm provided me with a great supervised agricultural experience for FFA. I’ve had so many positive experiences and learned a lot on the farm, but it isn’t always sunshine and roses. Take for instance, a day this past summer that for me, will live in infamy.

I woke up, ready to meet the day’s activities. There was hay to bale and wheat to cut. I went to go bale hay and within five minutes of being in the tractor, the baler plugged, and it was bad. After an hour of pulling hay out what felt like piece by piece, I got going again. Mistake 1, I handled it. No big deal. Later that afternoon while still baling, I pulled out my phone to a text from my mom reminding me about the school board meeting I said I would attend. I was late. I raced into town and pulled up to the Board office, just to find the meeting had gotten over. How could I have forgotten? What a stupid mistake. Mistake 2, –it’s fine, whatever. I got back from town and started cutting wheat. The combine bin eventually got full, so I unloaded it on the truck. It was getting dark, so my grandparents came out to say that I didn’t have to keep going, but I insisted. Before she left, my grandma thought she could hear a funny sound on the combine, sounded like something clicking she said. Not thinking too much about the noise, I swung the auger back onto to the combine and off I went. I went 1 round and looked back through the window to see how much wheat had come in, but I couldn’t see any. I thought there should have been some, but it was dusty and a bad year for wheat so maybe not. I dismissed it and kept on going. I continued on for 3 more rounds until I checked again. Still no wheat. I got scared so I jumped out to take a look. I looked down into the bin where wheat should have been and saw something that made my stomach drop. The little augers that only move when the unloading auger moves, they were turning. I heard the clicking noise from the big auger my grandma heard. I was putting the pieces together, but I didn’t want to believe it. In my haste to get back to cutting, I forgot to shut off the unloading auger. All the wheat that I cut for 4 rounds had gone into the combine, then right out of the back. Mistake number 3. Not okay. How could I have been so stupid!!! All of the day’s events came flooding through my mind. I couldn’t bale hay without screwing up. I couldn’t keep my schedule straight. I couldn’t cut wheat without making ad harvest worse. What would my grandparents say? I was supposed to be an FFA member who promotes agriculture. I was supposed to be a competent, responsible individual who wouldn’t make dumb mistakes like those. Within that moment, I was ready to throw in the towel. The agricultural life had made itself perfectly clear, it obviously didn’t want me. I felt completely worthless. I had a choice to make. I could accept the fact that I had screwed up and move on, or, let my mistake turn into a barrier that I would never get over. I thought about what my life would be like without agriculture and what my mistake really meant. I looked back on my passion for agriculture and all it had given me– FFA, the connection with where I come from, a desire to help others, and a place to grow roots in– I wasn’t ready to give that up. My mistake meant that I was human. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t suited for a life in agriculture. It meant that I needed to slow down and not get in such a hurry. It meant that I had a lot more room to grow.

Let go of the failure, let go of the fear.

Garrett Craig, 2018–19 Kansas FFA State Sentinel

On our journey towards fulfilling our passions, we will make mistakes. There will be stumbles. Failure is inevitable. Nikki Giovanni, an American poet and activist said “Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.” Don’t let those mistakes define our capability and hold us back from pursuing our passions with determination. Mistakes are not anchors’ that hold us where we are in failure. Instead, mistakes are a guiding light that shows us where to go next. Follow that light and correct what it shows us is wrong so that we can continue to grow and pursue our passions. Look around. We are all humans who have ceased to be perfect since the dawn of man. Imagine what an awful world it would be if our screw-ups determined our potential. There would be no light bulb, no telephone, no airplanes. If Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, and the Wright Brothers had let their failures define their capability, our world would look drastically different.

They changed the world because they didn’t let mistakes hold them back from pursuing their passions. We have a choice every time something goes wrong to either allow that hardship to pull us down and limit us or learn from the failure and let it go. We didn’t win that big game because of mistakes. We made the mistake of not studying for a test. We bombed our set of reasons in livestock judging. We made a mistake in our candidate speech and didn’t get elected to office in the FFA. We may have made those mistakes, so what? 

What are our big mistakes? What mistakes keep us awake at night and hold us back because they tell us we aren’t good enough. Don’t listen to that voice anymore. Quiet the voice that screams our inadequacies and listen to the one that shouts every reason why we should continue to pursue our passions.

Right here, right now, make a conscious decision to silence that voice that says we aren’t capable. Our passions are a part of our identify and to give up on them cannot be an option. When we feel like we nothing is going right, think about the feeling we get when someone asks about our passions, or when we have to defend them. Think about our lives without that  “thing” that sets us on fire. Don’t sacrifice that feeling simply because we stumbled along the way. Remember that flame, let go of your screw up and move on.

I went to a very small elementary school. In Longford Elementary there were 31 students in kindergarten through 5^th grade. When I was in third grade, we closed because we were too small. I was devastated. I loved going to school where all my family had gone before and where we had the freedom to learn how we wanted to learn. I was so disappointed and just didn’t know why we had to shut down. I wanted to understand more. I started trying to learn what makes people migrate from rural to urban areas – why small towns get smaller, and big cities get bigger. I learned that this exodus overtime is why my school got shut down, and why so many Kansas communities face tough times. I tried to talk about it all the time with friends at my new school, but as it turns out, not many fifth graders were interested in rural migratory patterns. I would hear, “Enough already about Longford, Garrett.” “No one cares, Garrett.” Those were tough words for me to accept, so I went about learning all I could quietly and to myself. Even if no one else cared, I still did. When I got into high school and started understanding deeper concepts about the rural flight, I realized that everything I had ever learned about was going to happen to my high school class, too. I started talking to people, and this time with enthusiasm. I wanted to make sure we as a class weren’t going to add to the statistics. Once again, not a whole lot of people seemed to care, but I was bound and determined to at least make them hear, even if they didn’t want to listen. I received a lot of eye rolls and comments because I cared so much. Was it discouraging? Sure, but I soon realized I wasn’t alone in being judged because I cared about something.

We live in a culture where apathy runs wild. Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest and concern. In our society, not caring is cool. Whenever someone worked too hard at something, if they were “too passionate,” we called them try-hards. When someone cared a lot about something, when they devoted all their time and effort, we said they were too involved. When someone got really excited and cheered too loudly at the basketball game, they were weird. I’m guilty of both saying these things about people, and having those things said about me. I wasn’t supportive of other people’s passions, and I also let what other people said make me apprehensive and feel insecure for being passionate about something.

To make a difference in the world around us, never be scared to show our authentic selves that have a passion. We can’t go throughout life being “too cool to care.” If we live life with an attitude of apathy and never pursue what we truly care about or support others in their pursuit, we are shorting the world of a contribution it really needs. If we want to be happy with our lives, don’t settle for the “cool” route. When we set aside the value of what people may say and focus on pursuing our passion’s we can truly find happiness in the work of our day to day lives. There will always be naysayers out there who roll their eyes when we challenge the status quo, but never let them stifle you in your pursuit of what you love. We have to let go of our reservations and spring into whatever it is wholeheartedly. Never be afraid to have a burning passion, no matter what other people may say.

Life isn’t about taking the fuel from your fire and putting it on someone else’s. Life is about pursuing your passions and making a difference so there is enough fuel for everyone’s fire. Be the one who causes those eye rolls because you yell just a little too loud. If someone next to you is cheering too loudly, let go of what other people may think and ditch the attitude of apathy, stand up next to them and start cheering too. Be the person who fights for the underdog no matter what the odds are. Show others why something matters to you by pursuing it with determination. There may be people who don’t think it’s important for us to be gone from school for FFA. We may have people around us who look at us and don’t understand our determination for these blue jackets. Let them think what they want. We know the value in the Blue and Gold and won’t be deterred from loving it. What are we passionate about but don’t go after it because we are worried about what other people may say or how it makes us look? Whatever that thing may be, stop being afraid to let others know that it matters to you. If we have something that we are scared to show the world, then chances are there are a million other people out there who feel the same way. If it matters to us, then it is important. If it matters to them, it is important. Stop the eye rolling, stop the judgment of people for challenging the status quo with their passions. Today, tell the members of your chapter what you are passionate about and start letting the world know how you want to make your mark. It doesn’t have to big, it could be something small. Whatever it is, stop being too cool to care about it.

In our lives, we only have so much time to find our passions and make a difference. By letting our mistakes get in our way or choosing to be apathetic we are withholding what we can give to the rest of the world. It’s withholding a crucial part of ourselves. We’ve all felt like we could never overcome our mistakes. We’ve been scared to really care about something. But that can no longer be an option. Kansas FFA, don’t let our failures and fears hold us back any longer. We can’t stand in our own way. Listen to the voice that says, “you are good enough.” Go after what brings you joy. Invest so much of yourself in something that when failure happens, it hurts.  Be passionate about something. Take up those anchors that hold us back. Be willing to make mistakes. Let go of the failure, let go of the fear. Let Go!